Life Update + Online Dating

April 5, 2018

I haven't blogged in forever. Where do I even begin?

I changed jobs. I still work for the same company, but moved to a different department. I went from processing consumer mortgage loans to processing both consumer and commercial loans for several bank branches. It took about six full weeks of training to get adjusted. Some days I still have questions. That's just the nature of the beast though.

The kids are doing great. We're in full swing with travel baseball and softball. My weekends are not my own anymore. Well, they are, but I'm going to spend them in the car, at the ballpark, living off of concession stand food, and rocking a sweet farmer's tan.

Since my divorce last July, I've only dated one guy. It was over before it ever really began. This short-lived "relationship" left me a little bitter. It happens. So instead of dating, I decided to focus my energy on getting fit before summer. And before I turn 40. (I turn 39 on Monday.) I've been working out 4-5 days a week for six weeks or so. It's not only great for my physical health, but my mental health as well. I can work out my anger and frustrations in the gym instead of throat punching an unexpected bystander.

So let's get back to the dating thing. I still haven't dated anyone else, but after some serious thought, I decided to download a couple of dating apps (My hair stylist talked me into it.) I started out with Bumble. The premise of Bumble is that the girl gets to make the first move. If you and a guy you're interested in are "matched", he can't message you first. You have to do it. I quickly realized Misty doesn't want to make the first move. So I switched to Tinder.

Yes, Tinder, the app that's known for "hook ups". In all honesty, the apps are pretty much the same. You'll find a lot of the same people on both. I just didn't want to be forced to talk first. I'm a chicken. And old school.

If you're unfamiliar with how the apps work, you swipe left if you're not interested and right if you are. If the person you swipe right on also swipes right on you, it's a match. You are then free to chat away.


My first conversation went something like this:

Him: How tall are you? You look tall.
Me: I'm 5'5".
Him: I'm 5'7". Is that too short for you?
Me: Well, uh, I like to wear heels.
Him: Is this your first time on a dating site?
Me: Yes.
Him: Isn't it awkward?
Me: Yes. Yes, it is.
Him: You went to private school?
Me: Yes.
Him: So, are you a Christian?
Him: See? Awkward.


Our conversation lasted about an hour.


My second conversation went something like this:

Him: Why did you join a dating site?
Him: What are you looking for?
Him: We cannot connect if you are talking to other guys.
Him: What's your favorite color? Mine is sky blue. Not blue. But sky blue.
Him: We cannot connect if you are talking to other guys. (Yes, he said it twice.)
Him: Do you drink?
Him: Do you smoke?


Our conversation lasted 5 minutes.


My third conversation lasted off and on for the better part of a day. He seemed nice and normal. We had several mutual Facebook friends. (The app will show you if you're logged in through Facebook. It's a nice safety feature.) I never heard from him again after that. And I didn't care enough to message him back.


My fourth conversation was short and to the point. He didn't realize until after he swiped right that I lived two hours away.
Him: Sorry to waste your time, but with my schedule and my son's schedule, I wouldn't have time to date someone that far away.
Me: Fair enough.


Some funnies, as seen on Tinder profiles:

Don't swipe me unless you're actually interested in talking to me. But don't be trying to wife up in 30 days when I'm still trying to figure out if I even like you in 90 days.

I'm 6 feet tall. Apparently that's important.

Not rich, but well endowed



My fifth and final conversation has lasted two and a half weeks. I deleted the apps, since at the very least, this guy has potential.

I can always download them again if I need to. If nothing else, online dating is good for a few laughs.


5 Life Lessons I Learned From Friends

January 16, 2018

If you're a Friends fan like me, you've seen every episode countless times. You feel like you actually know Monica, Ross, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe. The jokes are still funny, and you can quote entire episodes verbatim. You can also take any episode and relate it to every day life. Here are 5 life lessons I've learned from Friends.

1. Don't ask a guy out unless you're sure he likes you.
Joey: Alright Rach, the big question is, does he like you?
Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo point.
Rachel: A moo point?
Joey: Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.



2. There are seven basic erogenous zones on a woman's body.
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. You got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7.
Chandler: There are seven?
Monica: The important thing is to take your time. You want to hit them all, and you want to mix them up. You gotta keep them on their toes.
Rachel: Ooh, toes!



3. When getting a spray tan, it's imperative to listen closely and follow directions.
If you don't, you could end up AN EIGHT!

Chandler: Hold on. There's something different about you.
Ross: I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.
Chandler: Was that place... the sun?!



4. If you can't get your baby to laugh, rap Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back to them.
It works like a charm. Babies love big asses.

Rachel: What did you do to make her laugh?
Ross: I, um.. Well, I sang.. Actually, I rapped Baby Got Back.
Rachel: You what?! You sang, to our baby daughter, a song about a guy who likes to have sex with women with big giant asses?



5. When your best girlfriend is having a bad day, you grab some beer,
pop some popcorn and sit around in wedding dresses.

Rachel: You know, I gotta tell ya. This really does put me in a better mood.
Monica: I wish there was a job where I could wear this all the time. Maybe someday there will be...




I'm the kind of person who

January 11, 2018

source


...loves Adam Sandler movies

...corrects bad grammar & spelling

...listens more than talks

...never checks voicemail

...will always be a Coke drinker

...starts celebrating Christmas on November 1st

...would rather wear heels than flats

...quotes Friends in every day conversation

...always has her toenails painted

...prefers winter over summer

...is scared of spiders

...hates clutter

...cares about fashion

...obsesses over miniature goats

...uses a lot of dry shampoo

...cannot whistle

...does not like beer at all

...acts like a fool watching college basketball

...could eat cheese dip every day

...has never seen Office Space or The Princess Bride



Today's post idea was blatantly stolen from Stephanie at Not Entirely Perfect.


2018 Golden Globes Fashion, Best Dressed

January 9, 2018

Even in a sea of black gowns, it wasn't too hard to choose my favorites.


CHRIS HEMSWORTH in Etro
On anyone else, I wouldn't like this tux.
But on him, yes please.
#HAWT


JESSICA CHASTAIN in Armani Privé
She looks fab.
Love the hair and red lip.
The dress is simple, but stands out.


DIANE KRUGER in Prada
I love this dress on her.
It flowed beautifully on the red carpet.
PS - Did y'all know she was dating Norman Reedus?!


ALLISON JANNEY in Maria Dice
I love everything about this look.
Hair.
Makeup.
Earrings.
Gorgeous dress.


HELEN MIRREN in in Zuhair Murad
I want to be her when I grow up.
Slaying it at 72.
Love this dress.


JESSICA BIEL in Dior Haute Couture
This could have gone terribly wrong.
I don't normally like what Jessica wears.
And I'm not even sure I love this dress.
What I do love is the entire look.
She looks like a movie star.




EMMA STONE in Louis Vuitton
I couldn't find a picture of Emma alone on the red carpet.
Her dress is so pretty, especially up close.
Her stylist and hair/makeup people deserve a raise.
They always get it right.


all images via People + Us Weekly



2018 Golden Globes Fashion Recap

Seth Meyers hosted this year's Golden Globes. I laughed at a lot of his jokes, but he's not my favorite. Actors wore black in protest of sexual harassment and gender inequality. Many celebs wore Time's Up pins and used the red carpet and ceremony to talk publicly about these issues. You can learn more about the Time's Up initiative here.


ALEXIS BLEDEL in Oscar de la Renta
I like this a lot.
It's different and makes a bold statement without being weird.


ALISON BRIE in Vassilis Zoulias
I like this a lot too.
I'm digging the pants, the train and the diamonds.


ANGELINA JOLIE in Atelier Versace
I know she's a mom of 6, but this dress is so matronly.
What happened to vivacious Angelina?


DAKOTA JOHNSON in Gucci
This almost made my best dressed list.
I like the shape of the dress and the sparkly train.
I couldn't decide if I liked the belt or not. Yes or no?


HALLE BERRY in Zuhair Murad
Halle is killing it at 51.
This dress is very pretty, but I think she looks underdressed for the event.

.
ISABELLE HUPPERT in Chloe
I love age-appropriate dresses!
Isabelle is 64 and looks amazing.
I love this dress on her, but wish her hair were different.


KATE HUDSON in Valentino
I have mixed feelings about this.
I think she looks fabulous.
I love her short hair and makeup.
I just don't think this dress is right for the Globes.
Can I even call it a dress?


KERRY WASHINGTON in Prabal Gurung
Love the hair and makeup.
Don't love the dress.


LAURA DERN in Armani Privé
This dress looked great on tv.
I would have chosen another bracelet though.


MARGOT ROBBIE in Gucci
I think Margot is gorgeous.
I love her hair and pink lip.
I don't like the dress though.


MARIAH CAREY in Dolce & Gabbana
I think Mariah is a huge diva.
I'm not a fan at all.
But this is the best I've seen her look in a long time.


MARY J. BLIGE in Alberta Ferretti
I really like this dress.
Just not sure I like it on her.


MILLIE BOBBY BROWN in Calvin Klein by Appointment
Love Millie.
Love Stranger Things.
She looks super cute.


NICOLE KIDMAN in Givenchy
I don't love it, but I don't hate it.
Black's not really her color.


PENELOPE CRUZ in Ralph & Russo
In this instance, I think the train ruins a perfectly gorgeous dress.


REESE WITHERSPOON in Zac Posen
It's simple.
It's classic.
I'm bored.


SAOIRSE RONAN in Versace
I like this, but the fit seems a bit off in the shoulders.
I'm sure it's supposed to look like that, but...
Weird.


VIOLA DAVIS in Brandon Maxwell
It's not my favorite look of hers, but she always looks great.


ZOE KRAVITZ in Saint Laurent
This is how you do a simple black dress right.
BIG. STATEMENT. EARRINGS.


OPRAH
I couldn't find who designed this dress.
Regardless, I think Oprah looks fabulous.
If you haven't listened to her speech from the Golden Globes, find it.
Everyone should hear it.


all images via People + Us Weekly