Life Update + Online Dating

April 5, 2018

I haven't blogged in forever. Where do I even begin?

I changed jobs. I still work for the same company, but moved to a different department. I went from processing consumer mortgage loans to processing both consumer and commercial loans for several bank branches. It took about six full weeks of training to get adjusted. Some days I still have questions. That's just the nature of the beast though.

The kids are doing great. We're in full swing with travel baseball and softball. My weekends are not my own anymore. Well, they are, but I'm going to spend them in the car, at the ballpark, living off of concession stand food, and rocking a sweet farmer's tan.

Since my divorce last July, I've only dated one guy. It was over before it ever really began. This short-lived "relationship" left me a little bitter. It happens. So instead of dating, I decided to focus my energy on getting fit before summer. And before I turn 40. (I turn 39 on Monday.) I've been working out 4-5 days a week for six weeks or so. It's not only great for my physical health, but my mental health as well. I can work out my anger and frustrations in the gym instead of throat punching an unexpected bystander.

So let's get back to the dating thing. I still haven't dated anyone else, but after some serious thought, I decided to download a couple of dating apps (My hair stylist talked me into it.) I started out with Bumble. The premise of Bumble is that the girl gets to make the first move. If you and a guy you're interested in are "matched", he can't message you first. You have to do it. I quickly realized Misty doesn't want to make the first move. So I switched to Tinder.

Yes, Tinder, the app that's known for "hook ups". In all honesty, the apps are pretty much the same. You'll find a lot of the same people on both. I just didn't want to be forced to talk first. I'm a chicken. And old school.

If you're unfamiliar with how the apps work, you swipe left if you're not interested and right if you are. If the person you swipe right on also swipes right on you, it's a match. You are then free to chat away.

My first conversation went something like this:

Him: How tall are you? You look tall.
Me: I'm 5'5".
Him: I'm 5'7". Is that too short for you?
Me: Well, uh, I like to wear heels.
Him: Is this your first time on a dating site?
Me: Yes.
Him: Isn't it awkward?
Me: Yes. Yes, it is.
Him: You went to private school?
Me: Yes.
Him: So, are you a Christian?
Him: See? Awkward.

Our conversation lasted about an hour.

My second conversation went something like this:

Him: Why did you join a dating site?
Him: What are you looking for?
Him: We cannot connect if you are talking to other guys.
Him: What's your favorite color? Mine is sky blue. Not blue. But sky blue.
Him: We cannot connect if you are talking to other guys. (Yes, he said it twice.)
Him: Do you drink?
Him: Do you smoke?

Our conversation lasted 5 minutes.

My third conversation lasted off and on for the better part of a day. He seemed nice and normal. We had several mutual Facebook friends. (The app will show you if you're logged in through Facebook. It's a nice safety feature.) I never heard from him again after that. And I didn't care enough to message him back.

My fourth conversation was short and to the point. He didn't realize until after he swiped right that I lived two hours away.
Him: Sorry to waste your time, but with my schedule and my son's schedule, I wouldn't have time to date someone that far away.
Me: Fair enough.

Some funnies, as seen on Tinder profiles:

Don't swipe me unless you're actually interested in talking to me. But don't be trying to wife up in 30 days when I'm still trying to figure out if I even like you in 90 days.

I'm 6 feet tall. Apparently that's important.

Not rich, but well endowed

My fifth and final conversation has lasted two and a half weeks. I deleted the apps, since at the very least, this guy has potential.

I can always download them again if I need to. If nothing else, online dating is good for a few laughs.